January 19, Friday
(The ecstasy lasted three quarters of an hour)
Where do I walk, Lord? What will become of me, my Jesus? It is all fear, it is all fear.
I rush through dark and narrow streets. I fall faint, the weight of humiliation crushes me. I am dragged by two ropes. I feel my face on the ground, badly injured. The pain of the sharp thorns penetrates to my very heart, it is a pain that seems to be a part of death. I feel painful sores on my knees, shoulders and other parts of my body. Ashamed of so much curiosity around me, and in the deepest sadness imaginable, I walk erratically and fall repeatedly.
On my path a woman approaches me, a dear woman, compassionate of my pain. With what tenderness and love she cleans my face of the sweat, the blood and the dust. The closest ties of friendship bind our hearts. It is indescribable what I wanted to say to her, how I wanted to praise her. Oh, how I wanted this so heroic act of hers to be acknowledged!
On the top of the mountain, what despair I feel in myself, it is the despair of love. Everything causes me horror: death, death, abandonment, O my God. On my knees, I look up to the Eternal Father; I give Him the sign of my full acceptance of all. I lower my eyes, and I go into myself and I embrace all to my heart. I give myself to death. The executioners continue their barbaric role. O horrible sight! How disgusting and shameful I appear! My body and my soul are decomposing in a leprosy.
I wait my time.
I went from pain to love, from Calvary and the cross to Tabor. I began to feel strongly the love of Jesus in my breast and heart and His divine presence in me, and soon I heard His sweet and mild voice:
Heaven comes to pay homage to the King of Heaven, to the queen of the earth in his extended encounter.
It was my desire, my beloved, my dear dove, that the world knew how I give Myself to my spouse, to the virgin soul.
I wanted the world to know and understand this love: how I love you, how you love Me, the love for souls, the love of the cross.
It was my desire, desire, strong desire that the world knew your life, a life of the purest love, an heroic life, a life of heroism in abundance.
Your life is a very rich panel where is depicted the divine life, the most full life of Christ crucified.
Men, men, my daughter, put up scandalous barriers in opposition to this life that I want to be known for my glory, and for the good of souls.
O my Jesus, because I want nothing else, I want what You want;
if it were not so, I would want to live hidden, to live as if I
didn´t live, to live as if I had never existed, provided that I
loved You and souls were saved. But,
if You so wish, the remedy is in Your divine hand: do men
Forgive me then, my Jesus, forgive me if I offended Thee.
Be calm, you did not disgust Me. Where are the graces that I gave them? They didn´t use them, they despised them, they trampled them under their feet. They used their own will, their pride, their judgments, their false lights. How it hurt my divine heart!
Take heart, daughter, my divine cause conquers and those who fight for it conquer with it!
You are the true path, the golden road, the highway, surrounded on both sides by the most precious stones, the wonders of the Lord.
Happy souls, happy sinners who enter into it, that go to the port of salvation.
Your eyes, your affection, your tenderness, everything leads to Heaven. They are eyes of appealing tenderness and affection, which attract souls to you. Through you they come to Me.
You will now, my daughter, receive the divine life, the life that feeds you and gives life, the life which you give to souls: you will receive my divine Blood.
Jesus united His divine Heart to mine, also His holy face and lips were joined to mine. My heart seemed to be fused with that of Jesus and the blood from His divine Heart was mixed with mine. I felt my heart swelling, swelling; it was big, very big. I felt also that I was receiving life from the lips of Jesus. He covered me with caresses and told me:
I give you my blood and my life, where I want and how I want.
This union took some time. Afterwards, Jesus called:
Come, my Mother, my blessed Mother, give your heavenly life, give your graces and wealth to this my daughter and spouse, and also your dear little daughter.
Jesus separated His holy face and lips from me, but left His divine Heart united with mine. My Heavenly Mother took the place of Jesus; she pressed her holy face to mine, embraced me, covered me with her caresses and breathed on me with such sweetness. I felt I received an abundance of life from her. Then she said to me:
My daughter, spouse of my Jesus, tabernacle of my Jesus, monstrance of Jesus, where He dwells always, always.
And Jesus said to Her:
Give her, my Mother, the riches of Heaven, give her all Your love. At least, You and I make her feel our love and consolation, because from the creatures, whom she loves and who are at her side, she receives no consolation, she does not feel they love her and even is afraid of them. I took all from her, all, I took it from her for my glory, I took it from her for the salvation of souls, I took it from her to brighten the shield that restrains the arm of my Eternal Father, so that He, seeing such brilliance, such charms, might forget His power and bestow mercy, only mercy on the world. I took all from her, squeezed her, squeezed her, and I drew from her the delicious flavours.
Detach yourself from Us, my daughter, go to your cross, to your life of love.
My heart was full, full, Jesus shut it so that the blood would not flow from it, and said:
This is the blood that germinates, creates and gives life to virgins like you.
Thank You, Jesus, thank You, Heavenly Mother.
It costs so much to detach myself from You, to take leave of this love! Yes, for Your love I detach myself, but before I leave give me this love to give to souls that I love and are dear to me: give it to me so I give it to them all; give it to me so that I may give to that soul which is in danger, and for whom I offered my sufferings to Thee today. I want it to be saved and as a sign I want it not to die without the sacraments. Give it to me so that I can give to souls which make me suffer so much, so that they may know Thee better and love Thee more and more. Give it to me so that I may give it the whole world, so that it might be saved.
Go, O new redeemer, savior of sinners, go, obey, write
everything, makes this sacrifice, give our love as you wish,
with all abundance.
I came back to my cross, to the immense sea of my sorrows. It has been a few hours and my heart still burns like a furnace.
Blessed be Jesus and His love!