have no life, I have no blood, I have given everything, I have lost
have given everything and it seems to me that it was useless. I feel
that it was all a great loss!
God, it seems to me I do not exist; pain exists and it is mine. The
world exists and needs pain.
soul feels a hunger so great, but this is the hunger of the world,
it is the world coming to feed on my pain, it is a world of beasts
coming to devour as much of my suffering as they can. Nothing,
nothing I suffer bears any comparison to what poor humanity needs.
Jesus, what suffering this is!
seems to me that I am tearing my heart from my chest and breaking it
into tiny little bits to give to the world, to give to souls. I
wanted to pass my life begging hearts to be the nourishment, the
salvation of sinners. I wanted to cry out loud, very loud, my voice
echoing over all humanity:
world, O ungrateful world, I'm yours, I give myself to you for Jesus
and the dear Heavenly Mother!
is for Them that I give you my blood, my life; it is for Them that I
want you; it is for Them that I'm yours, it is for Them that I
love you in order to save you, I love you in order to deliver you to
Jesus and to my beloved heavenly Mother!
Alas, I have nothing to give, I have no more to do! What horrors are
in me, caused by the madness, the unbearable craving to love Jesus
and save humanity!
the night of 27, I had a vision of thorns that caused me great
suffering and fear. It was a forest of thorns – in front of me only
spines. It was a dense forest. The thorns rose to such height, that
they ensnared each other and I could see no end to them. They were
all very thick and long and hung as if they were all about to fall
on me. I did not know the meaning of it, I understood nothing.
Since then I have felt that I am all wrapped up in them. My bed is
thorns, the clothing that covers me is thorns, what I wear is
thorns, I am thorns. Everything is pain, everything is blood, pain
that does not belong to me, blood that is not mine. I'm in the
middle of this forest, which is itself blood, blood that blooms and
gives life to all the thorns. And the same dewy rain of blood falls
on them continuously.
are these thorns that flourish so! My soul feels that from them will
sprout a new rain of white buds.
Besides these thorns, I have received so many others sharpened by
creatures from whom I least expected them. It has cost me so much to
cover my tears! I wanted only Jesus to see them.
God, oh, how much bitterness there is within me! I cannot have any
support on this earth, I can expect nothing here. Alas, not even
from those who are so dear to me; Jesus took for Himself the joy and
comfort they could give! I feel ashamed before them, startled as if
I had offended against them and practiced the greatest crimes.
demon continues to charge at me like a horse without a bridle. He
comes in a frenzy to insult me and to urge me to evil. I hear from
the creatures things that I have never heard before, I learn things
that I never knew about the world. I don’t know what I said, it
seemed to me that I said:
— You do not satisfy me, invite more demons to sin with me, I want
pleasure, I want to enjoy it!
horror, horror to have imagined that I said this and that the rosary
and the statue of Heavenly Mother turned away from me, and that I
spat at her feet. It seems always that the evil one gets whatever he
wants from me and I offend my Jesus. At the peak of pain, I was
somewhat freed from Satan and often repeated:
no, no, my Jesus, do not want to sin!
this time, Jesus came to take me from the abyss I was hanging over.
— Yes, yes, my daughter, you do not want to sin, you want my divine
love, and this I give you in the greatest abundance!
yes, yes, my daughter, you do not want sin, but the salvation of
souls, and only with this reparation can they, who so grievously
offend Me in this matter, can be saved!
command you, my dear one, rest on your pillows.
force, coming from I don’t know where, placed me on them. Tired from
struggling and bathed in sweat, I was repeating:
Love, love, always love, my Jesus; souls, all souls!
don’t know how the evil one can present himself with such ugly
faces, such terrifying looks, and shaped as such a variety of
animals. They approach as if to swallow me, some bristling with
spikes! Alas, what he does to try us, to get us damned! It is such a
shame that people do not know all his arts and wiles!
Today, early in the morning, I felt in my soul, and heard the loud
noise in my ears, of a great hammering opening my grave. It was so
horror, it is Thursday! Death runs to me, the grave is ready. The
weight of all humiliations falls on me, there is nothing but bad
that is said against me. My soul already sees what will take the
life from my body. My grave is a pit, an abyss. There is nothing in
me of joy, the only thing that is beautiful and powerful to me is
Lying on my bed, I could admire the greatness of the Creator. I saw
the trees through the window, covered with flowers. What a marvel!
The whiteness of them turned my soul into night. All the petals of
the flowers were arrows being driven in my heart.
to do, my God? Accept what comes from You. Your will, Lord! I'm
going to die with my eyes fixed on Your cross.