What can I tell about my pain? Words would be nothing in
comparison with what I feel.
Oh my God, what days so full of pain, sorrow and bitterness! Oh,
how much I had to offer to Jesus! Oh, if I only knew how to
offer Him everything that hurt my heart, my body and my soul!
Poor me, I cannot speak to my Beloved, my everything.
Oh, how I would like these days to be as full of love for Jesus,
as they have been filled with great martyrdom! What misery is
mine, I do not know how to love Him. I feel that He is my
madness, in all and above all; I feel that everything I do is
for Him and because of Him. I feel all the love that I dedicate
to all who are dear to me is nothing compared with that which I
desire to love my Jesus with. But I get no consolation from
this. I have no pleasure in anything I suffer, and offer Him;
nothing is mine. I see nothing in myself but the greatest
horrors of misery.
O Jesus, O Heavenly Mother, as I have nothing more to offer
Thee, accept this, my misery, and make it serve as an honor and
comfort for Thee and a benefit for souls.
I go crazily around the world, in an incessant weariness, taking
with me strong chains. I want to surround the world, to hold it
in these chains. I want the whole world in a small parcel and in
the midst of it, Jesus and the Heavenly Mother.
O my God, if I could not leave any soul out of this parcel, if
the fire of Jesus and the Heavenly Mother ignited all the hearts
in this small parcel, how I would bless all my sufferings for
eternity! Rain continues to fall on mankind.
Jesus, Jesus, grant that it be love’s rain, salvation’s rain. I
say nothing about what happens in my soul, I say nothing of the
aspirations that feel.
If only I could leave the imprisoned world and go to Limbo to
baptize the souls there! And only if, afterwards, I could go to
Hell to take those that are there for You!
My God, I do not know what I will do. Jesus, You have to endure
my pain. Behold my heart and my soul are rent continuously with
this bitterness. It's for You, is for souls.
Jesus told me that the devil would come some nights with two
attacks and the first night he did not fail: they have been
painful. They tormented me so much and for so long! I saw Hell
and a rain of souls falling into it. And so many demons I could
not count them.
The demons told me such ugly things, one of them was that he was
the lord of everyone. Sitting on a bench of delights, as he
called it, he used the most malicious and ugly words.
I wanted so much to appeal to Heaven and only managed to do it
later. He promised that he would take me to pleasure, to sin, to
offend against God. The first attack I offered to Jesus in honor
of His holy shoulder wound and in reparation for a particular
priest, as Jesus had asked. When I told Jesus that it was for
the priest, then it was that the devil raged against me. I felt
pain, mortal pain, as I have already explained. Unable to endure
it I said:
die, I die, Jesus. If
I die, I die happy, I die victim of your love, I die a victim
for that soul.
Having said that, a breeze wafted me onto my pillow. Hours
later, I offered the second attack in honor of the five wounds
of Jesus by one of the other souls. When, in an unspeakable
weariness, it seemed as if I was without life, I heard Jesus
- Blessed Angel, soften the pain of my dear spouse, put her in a
comfortable position. You are, with my authority, her heavenly
I was released from Satan’s arts and remained restfully on my
pillow. I felt no hands, but a sweet delight, a gentle
I was in so much bitterness, in the deepest sorrow. If there was
a place where I could hide myself from Jesus, I would have flown
there. Oh my God, what a shame! And when Jesus came for me to
receive Him! ... I longed for His coming, but wanted to run away
and disappear from Him, I was not worthy to receive Him into my
Already I have offered three more attacks to Jesus, because I
only offer Him the most painful. The evil one appeared to me in
the form of animals and unknown beasts! It was awful to see them
before me. One, crocodile-shaped, only taller than them, was a
few meters long. And Hell with its hideous huts was so ugly! And
the fire, so dark and so tormenting. Among it were raised so
many horns of demons. He told me such ugly things. What shame I
endured to hear them, and what a fear of the hearing. At the
height of my distress, I cried for Jesus, because the tormenting
pain was taking my life. I die, I die, Jesus, and I do not want
My heart groaned thunderously, only death could cause so much
suffering. At my cry of agony, Jesus came.
- You do not sin, you will not die, my beloved spouse. The death
that you feel is not true death; your death gives life, a life
of purity, a life love life. If you knew the value of this
reparation! ... Arise, take up your place, I am your Jesus, I'm
able to do this, just as I had power to raise the dead and let
Already on my pillow, He pressed me to His Divine Heart,
caressed me and kissed me.
- If the world knew, my daughter, what the life of divine love
That said, I felt alone, comforted, yes, and only longing to
console my Jesus. But soon I was immersed in an immense sea of
pain. Occasionally receiving thorns that came to surround my
heart, and continually being crushed by grief and humiliation.
I hoped to receive a little joy, not because of myself, but to
see my dear ones glad. Jesus didn’t allow it. He took the
occasion of this joy, this little consolation that I wanted to
feel. Seeing that Jesus took everything from me, I had no other
words but to repeat many times:
Blessed be the Lord, His holy will be done. O my Jesus, accept
the consolation and joy that I could have felt, be it comfort
and joy for You. Accept the joy and rejoicing that I could have
had among those who are dear to me. Be it for the salvation of
after three hours or so I spent talking about the things of
Jesus with a soul separated from Him for many years and who I
knew had never been to church, I was bathed in sweat and tired,
unable to move my lips to say a word. But my effort was not
without reward. Jesus allowed me a while to feel joy in my heart.
That soul gave me signs of repentance and promised me to try to
change his life. I think that within a few short days, he will
be snatched from the clutches of Satan.
Oh, if I saw in such dispositions all those which are alienated
from Jesus! I want to suffer, I want to suffer, I want to save
them. I love them, they are of Jesus.