APRIL 3 - Tuesday
I have not lived, not risen with Jesus. My eyes did not see, my
ears have not heard, my heart did not love, my body felt nothing
but pain. The look of my eyes was not mine, nor the hearing of
my ears, nor the feeling of my body, nor the love of my heart,
nor the smile that covered all this, nothing of this was mine.
Who did they belong to? Jesus knows, I cannot say anything. Joy
is for those whom Jesus wants to give it, but not for me.
But I'm content. I do not live; He lives in souls with His
divine life. I did not rise, may they arise to Jesus. I have no
love to offer my Lord, may He accept the love of all hearts and
the total offering of all His creatures. I have no language to
praise Him, may He accept the praise of all heaven and earth.
All heaven and earth praise and bless Him; only I, poor thing,
am excluded, though I am part of it. I cannot join myself with
the blessed in heaven, nor with the righteous of the earth. All
the wickedness and misery of the world are mine.
Shame, horror! I lost my Jesus. What an eternal loss! Never
again, never again can I see Him. There is no remedy for this
loss. I cannot think. My soul cannot resist this pain; to lose
Jesus, to lose Him forever...
Sometimes the fire in my heart seems to burn all my being. I can
say that at times is almost unbearable.
How many times is this fire accompanied by great confusion, the
great martyrdom of not resisting the ardor of such fire without
cold water compresses. I suffer to see myself surrounded by
people and have to express and make known this fire that burns
me. I trust: if my Jesus gives me strength, I can hide and
resist all with His grace.
Often, during the nights, I have seen Jesus, the Heavenly Mother
and St. Joseph. Jesus does not always appear in the same way.
Rarely did I speak, when I did it was only to be sure that was
not a dream; otherwise, I kept my mouth closed and said nothing
for fear of not telling the truth.
Tonight, I saw Jesus very bright, full of light, but with His
holy head surrounded with a crown of extremely sharp thorns. It
seemed to me not a dream but whether it was or not I thought it
better to say nothing, to leave all hidden.
During the morning, I was alone, united to Jesus by saying my
prayers. The devil came, angry and malicious, with dreadful
threats. While I could, I immediately offered myself to Jesus
and the Heavenly Mother for souls. What a great fear of sin I
experienced; I was full of fear! He told me ugly things which I
do not know. I seemed that I was given up to the greatest
pleasures, the greatest crimes.
– Jesus, save me, I do not want to sin!
Joined to the enjoyment was the pain of death; my heart was
suffocating, I could not breathe. He danced with satisfaction,
as if he was winning a battle. I was steeped in pain and did not
know if I had sinned or not. It seemed to me that I had not be;
however, I was very sad. Then my Jesus came.
– My daughter, beloved of my Divine Heart, you have not sinned,
I was with you, I walk with you in pain, in love, in the
struggle with the devil. I am with you in this abyss, in this
immense sea of martyrdom in which you are immersed. I am the
smile on your lips, hiding the pain and sorrow that you are
– O my Jesus, I trust that You are with me, that You are the
victor within me. But why is it that even talking to You, I feel
so much pain?
– To be complete my comfort, my beloved daughter; to complete
your martyrdom, your reparation. Only in this way is the full
advantage for souls gained. But I'm always, always in you.
my daughter, whenever I appear to you and sometimes accompanied,
it is not a dream, it is always reality. When you see me
crowned, it is at times when men are crucifying me more.
When I appear to you, spreading abundant rays from my Divine
Heart, it is to quench the thirst I have of you and to give you
the treasures of My love, which you distribute the same souls.
When I come with my Blessed Mother and St. Joseph, it is to
prove to you that all heaven is with you, that the greatest
personages of heaven are always with you. It is heaven loving
you, it is heaven accompanying you in your unrivaled Calvary.
Suffer in peace, Heaven doesn’t delay, your eternal joy is near.
– Since this is so, my Jesus, comfort Yourself, rejoice in my
pain. I do not want my joy, but yours; I do not want my triumph,
but the triumph of souls. Receive my martyrdom and make my death
the life of the world and my blindness the light of hearts. I
want only to live for You, that it is only You the poor world
sees, loves and blesses.
O my God, oh, how much agony there is in my heart, oh, how many
cravings to conquer souls are stirring in me, swimming in the
pain, bathed in the blood! Accept, Jesus, my desires, as I have
nothing else! Come to my sadness to seek joy!